New Beginning

Why do some people manage to move on and even reinvent themselves after a breakup or the death of a partner, and others do not? Is it a question of character? A strong will? Is it the external factors such as support from friends or a solid income? Why do some women spend their entire lives in mourning from now on, while others begin to live anew? 

Unfortunately, there is no instruction manual here, and the person who should bring it out someday deserves the Nobel Prize. But there are some things that each of us should try in order to help ourselves to a new self. 

Let’s start at the very beginning. And at the beginning is ourselves. The woman who should smile at you in the mirror every morning. But she rarely does. The woman with whom you spend the most time and who will accompany you throughout your life. „Love yourself“ – how often have you heard or read that? Be honest with yourself: are you doing it? Or are you wallowing in self-pity, self-loathing, shame or guilt? It is the respect you deserve and expect from others that you are most stingy with. Far too often, we are far harsher on ourselves than we are on others. We place expectations on ourselves that cannot be met. Because they are the sum of the qualities that others have. No one is perfect. But we demand of ourselves to be. „Love yourself, only then can you be loved.“ Actually, the sentence goes on like that. And it is true. We have stopped loving ourselves because we don’t give ourselves the value. We expect others to come and recognize it. But that is most likely not going to happen. Because unconsciously we radiate exactly what we think of ourselves. People are energy beings. They suck energy from their fellow human beings and, in the best case, give some of their good energy back as well. But if you don’t love yourself, there is not much energy to give. And you yourself are not able to absorb the energy of your fellow human beings, because you are blocked to positive things. And so one is left behind, and the spiral continues downward. Without self-love, we are not able to love properly. And to be loved.

Next, we turn to the question of blame. Whether it’s God, the ex-partner, or his new flame, they are all to blame. We break down on the why. And we break on who is to be held responsible for it. Accepting that it is the course of life, or even fate, that is responsible for the death of the loved one is the only way to find peace. Accepting that you also have your share in the failure of the relationship requires just as much strength. Because yes, even if everything was seemingly perfect before: it can’t have been that perfect if your partner decides to move on without you. This does not mean that you are „to blame“, but that you have to learn from it. To not repeat the mistakes next time. Maybe you put more energy into this relationship than your partner did. Maybe you loved more. The fact that he left doesn’t mean that you weren’t worth it. It means that he is not worth it anymore. And that he didn’t recognize your value. 

Take care of your inner balance. This may come a little later, because sometimes you want to suppress the feelings at first. But in the long run: face them. Cry when you feel like crying. Laugh when you feel like laughing. Scream when you feel like screaming. Try meditation. Start slowly, five to ten minutes a day. Learn to concentrate. The internet is full of guided meditations. Or just light a candle, sit comfortably, and focus on the flame. How you do it is not crucial, but it is certainly the right thing to do. Yoga is also great for this. Face your feelings. Free yourself from them. Suppressing or drowning them out is only helpful for a short time. Sooner or later they come up, and then usually with full force. Find your inner peace, your center. Find yourself again.

And in the next step: Do what is good for you. Preferably several things at once. Coffee with your best friend. A glass of wine with your new acquaintance from the gym. A long phone call with your old study buddy. A concert. A new pair of shoes. Dancing. Pottery. Painting. A new sport. An outing. A new project. Decorating. Redecorating. Painting the room a colorful color. New style of dress. New hairstyle. Different make-up. Sauna. Massage. The list is endless. Do it for yourself. Because you love yourself and you deserve it. 

And if all that isn’t enough: seek help. Accept help. Ask for it. People love you more than you know. And going to a psychologist is not a disgrace, God knows. There is no shame in medication. You are important. You are now. Don’t put this off. Problems don’t solve themselves. Negative feelings don’t go away on their own. They diminish with time, yes, but they are still there. And unpredictable. Face them. That’s the only way to get rid of them. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Relapses are okay. Setbacks are okay. Breaks are okay. Follow your own pace.

And in time, you’ll find that you can open up again. That you can laugh. That you can reach out to people. That you’re inspired. That the people you meet were meant to meet you. Because you learn from them. Because they enrich your life. And little by little you realize that you are in the middle of it. That you have dared a new beginning. That you are a different person than before. That you are doing well. Different, but good. That you are much stronger than you thought. And that you are not alone.


Ein Gedanke zu “New Beginning

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